Garge Sale of the Century

About a month ago Hilari and I rallied the troops and had "The Best Garage Sale On Earth" -well that's what we told all our customers. We had tons of stuff and Hilari had piles and piles of boys clothes and mens clothes she snuck outa Jason side of the closet. I didn't have all that much to offer up because even though my cleaning prowess is similar to Roseanne Connors ( that was her last name on the show but we all know it should have been Barr cuz it was basically an autobiography even with weird DJ in the mix) I am pretty good at getting rid of stuff I don't need - not perfect but I say 84% good.Even though my merch ( in the biz you call merchandise 'merch') was lacking my spirit to sell was not and in a brilliant stroke of genius I decided to sell back rubs for $3 and compliments for $o.50. I even resorted to busting out a sign that said singing telegrams for $1 ( but they had to be delivered in my driveway which was not that great of a business plan) . I didn't sell one back rub or compliment though I busted out a few semi-unwanted hugs. We managed to sell a bunch of stuff and give away a few gifts with purchase - people loved that.We said our garage sale would make their minds explode and I think Hilari and I along with 8 candy/lemonade sales people managed to do just that- oh and compliments are still only $0.50 .....stock up for Christmas.

Post It Face LIves!!!!!

Just when Meat Hand mysteriously disappeared another hideously deformed creature made his debut.... The Post It Face Monster!!!! Who knew that something so useful like non-permanent glue backed pieces of paper could be so grotesque? Hide your office supplies, petty cash and especially inter-office memos (the ones about old food in the fridge and the birthday comitee are particularly anger inducing ) he could strike at any time! Consider Yourself Warned ......

The Bee and Me...A One Sided Love Story

That is one big disgruntled bee and I would like to start this off by saying I am a full on bee supporter. I am Pro-Bee . I saw The Bee Movie, enjoy Sue Bee Honey , used Burts Bee's lip balm ( not very often cuz' that stuff is spendy) ,and watched the 60 minutes where they talk about how all the bee's are disappearing and how we aren't going to be able to raise crops without them and bee keepers are going out of business cuz' a mizillion bee's are takin' a vacay cuz' of cell phones (- even Andy Rooney's do ya ever wonder why we get junk mail segment couldn't erase my concern).So I have alotta' love for our friends the bees and was shocked when one decided to rummage around my hair and sting my finger while I was gingerly shooing it away.So 4 days later my useful pointer finger and surrounding tissue has become a hand of fleshy swollen goodness. Saturday night it was at its worse and I gave it a nickname of Meat Hand or McMeaty for short. Antibiotics are helping the swelling and Benedryl is keeping the itchiness at bay while also delivering a substantial buzz.The kids said my hand looked like a lil' baby hand all round fatty and pink. I have developed a healthy respect for all the things my left hand does for me like hold things and pet things and touch things - I really really like my left hand. I also harbor no ill will towards that wayward bee. I was always on his side ( I love bees wax candles and look pretty good in yellow and black) and the fact that a bee didn't take the time to get to know me better and realize I am not a threat is just a life lesson- or end of life lesson for the bee cuz' I think they die after they sting you. I still love you bees . In spite of my obvious disfiguring allergy to bees I will always be your #1 fan. Let me be the wind beneath your teeny tiny hardworking wings.

Thankyou, Thankyou Very Much

Here is a picture of Nash as Alien Elvis ....you're welcome.

Weirdness

I have seen and heard a lot of weird stuff today. The seen part is all hair related, actually fake hair related. Exhibit A the Gal ( I feel like my Glammom saying Gal - not that there is anything wrong with that) who watches the kids at the gym had crazy rows of extensions totally visible and I didn't know if that was an oops my slip is caught in my unders situation where I should alert her or if that was a fashion choice. I chose the latter and was grateful she wasn't busting out white after Labor Day.. Exhibit B an Older Lady ( think Golden Girls old not Desperate Housewives old-not that they are old or anything) in Wallymart had super short hair with a long dirty blonde clip on pony on the top of her head TOP of her head. Exhibit C a Rotund Man jogging ( who looked like Rodney Dangerfield may he rest in peace getting some much deserved respect) with very little light colored hair on the bottom and a bright orangeish toupee on top- like sitting right on top -like a bird resting on a prickly branch - get the visual? Then I see that this dude above thought it would be awesome to get a guy pooping shaved into his head. Now I give him points for moxie but execution and flair leave much to be desired.
On to heard weird stuff! Nash informed me that he is in fact part werewolf and has super speed with a dash of super strength ( Think shirt ripping guy from the Bachelorette now a fave on The Soup). Xander said that most people with his type of nose ( cute and button like) tend to have short stubby fingers - like his- who knew? All this weirdness in one day - when did I get sooo lucky?!

Thankful Hands

I have 5 blessings and I can count them on one hand so I can never forget to be thankful. I don't usually forget how lucky I am but sometimes my fingers remind me.

On Thanksgiving an Elastic Waistband is your BFF

Tomorrow is the Big Feast and I happen to enjoy any holiday devoted to eating and thanking. We have our gingerbread houses ( more like dilapidated ramshackle huts) ready to decorate and each kid is stoked to lick and stick multitudes of stale and fresh candies to their graham clapboarded sides. I have two assignments one fully cooked moist and lovely 18.5 lb.turkey (tofurkeys need not apply) and a 20lb. vat of buttery delicious mashed potatoes ( pipe down potato buds we don't take kindly to you in these parts either). I can't decide on my attire sweat pants seem too obvious a choice and leggings a tad too constrictive. I wish I could come to my Gramma's in my trusty leopard and rose print muumuu and call it a day. However that may send the wrong message like I stopped taking my meds or I missed the bus to the next Bold and Beautiful Fan convention. I promise I will shower and wear deodorant and the whole shebang but if I have to explain my competitive -eating- beginning -amateur- noncompetitive- status as I dive head first into a beautifully crusted chocolate cream pie to my hard of listening familia again I think I may have to eat another whole pie to numb the pain(maybe there will be a coconut cream!!- a girl can dream....) Have a great Turkey Day chock full of Thanks and pie and rivers of gravy!